I try not to talk much about my personal problems on my blog because I want this to be a happy and positive place. I just feel at this time I need to write down how I feel. Being out in a new state is exciting but hard at the same time. I live with my boyfriend and he doesn’t always “get” female things, he is still learning as I teach him. ;) I don’t have any true girlfriends out here to hang out with, go shopping with and to talk about girl things! I keep in touch with my best friend in Las Vegas as much as I can. I’m always texting my mom and calling at home least once a week. As an honest person I don’t like to make people I love worry. I know after this post is published they will read this and will feel concerned, especially my mom! Rest assure I’m okay, I’m happy where I am at and just getting use to all the new changes!
Exercise is VERY important to me. It has been almost 5 years since I’ve lost 35 pounds and have kept it off. Give or take a few pounds here and there. I use to religiously count calories, workout twice a day, seclude myself from the world and wasn’t happy. I had to make changes because I realized this was not normal and I couldn’t maintain 1,200 calories for the rest of my life. I wanted to be normal, I wanted to have fun and be able to eat whatever everyone else was eating. During those years I learned a lot about food and learned nutrition is key.
Today I eat my fruits and vegetables, proteins, whole grains, non-dairy milk and healthy fats. I can say my diet is pretty healthy with the occasional dessert. Okay well that is my problem. After dinner I always have a sweet tooth. I give into that sweet tooth in the form of fruit, chocolate, ice cream, cookie, whatever. I don’t overindulge, I know what a reasonable portion is and I’m good after that. I also find that since I don’t track my calories religiously anymore, I may eat more then usual, bigger portions or munch more frequently.
Lately my problem has been figuring out my mornings. Work starts at 10am and I know I want to get a workout in before work. So I’ve been going to a 6am spin or body pump class. I wake up an hour before to eat half an energy bar, fresh fruit or a medjool date with a little almond butter. Then I come home at 7am and I would love to eat breakfast but then I’d get hungry by the time I have to be at work. I’ll try to eat something light like protein powder mixed with non-dairy milk or a smoothie blended with banana and spinach or fruit with dry cereal. Then around 9am I’ll make breakfast before work which is usually oatmeal or toast with almond butter, dried coconut and fresh fruit. I know my lunch is around noon so I’ll pack half a sandwich or a salad, with sides in the form of fruit, bell peppers and/or tortilla chips. I’ll throw in the occasional dark chocolate square for a little sweet something.
At noon I’m still not that hungry but that is my lunch time and if I don’t eat, I know by 1pm I’ll be hungry. I get another break around 3pm and that is when I eat a granola bar or dried fruit and nuts. I work till 5 and when I get home I’m feeling hungry again so I usually eat some fruit or veggies with hummus. I prep dinner, make lunches for the next day and then cook dinner. In the middle of all this I’ll snack on some raw veggies I’m cutting up and/or have a slice of salami that I use for Mike’s sandwich. Dinner is done around 7pm and we eat. My portion is always smaller and sometimes not the same thing as mike’s dinner. Afterwards I’ll clean up and I’m ready for my sweet thing.
All in all I feel this routine is making me pack on a few pounds. I’m eating more food then I need to. I think it is due to stress and it comes out in eating. If I don’t eat after 4 hours I tend to get really shaky and nervous, so I think I’m trying to fill that void by eating small snacks. I haven’t given up exercise at all. So far this week I’ve done 2 yoga sessions, 2 spin classes and 2 body pump classes. I’m glad that I’ve maintained that habit because I know how wonderful it makes me feel afterwards.
Something else that I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to panic anyone, is in the last 3 weeks at work I’ve had 3 people ask if I’m pregnant or when I am due. This question isn’t new to me because back in Las Vegas when I worked, I was ALWAYS asked this question. It is very hurtful and makes me very upset. If only these people knew how hard I work to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The girls at work can’t believe people would ask if I’m pregnant because I don’t even look pregnant. Trust me if I was pregnant I’d be eating Ben and Jerry’s like no tomorrow and not enjoying the morning sickness. Plus I think I’d scare Mike if I started dipping pickles into ice cream! He feels bad for me and doesn’t understand it either. He tells me to not listen to those people and just move on.
I see myself in the mirror as not myself and very insecure due to those comments. It is not the best feeling at all and I want to get back to my happy point. My happy point of exercise, healthy eating, fun and confidence. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I already started tracking down my meals and “estimated” calories to make sure I’m not eating 600 calories within 3-4 hours at a time. I’m a 6 small meals a day kind of girl, so I like to keep my meals around 400 and snacks around 150-200. Don’t worry I’m not compulsive to the whole 1,200 calorie restriction thing, that was the worst experience ever! When I feel like I do now, seeing what I’m eating and when I’m eating, gives me that frame of reference and realization of where I’m going wrong. I’m glad I’ve started somewhere and I can’t wait to get to my happy point any day now! I can already see where I’m getting extra calories from by adding a little here and there, this is good for my eyes to see.
Writing this out has made me feel a bit better now that I’m not holding it in. I can feel the weight already coming off! Thank you for listening to me. I don’t want to bring anyone down about this because I’m still staying positive! Maybe you will be able to relate to me or found inspiration in this. All in all I’ll get back to my happy point. As soon as I do I’ll let you know!
Now back to my regular schedule, the kitchen. I’m going to be baking up some granola/protein bars this weekend and if they turn out good, I’ll be posting about it!